Have you ever read a review or an article about someone where the author is so harsh and cruel you physically cringe? Well I have one of those authors living in my head (don’t we all?) that loathes me. Over the last couple of weeks the reviewer possessed my body and attempted to sabotage all of my progress. Meanwhile, my new fit persona was trapped inside, fighting to get out. It’s been a real life horror story inside and outside of my head.
The possessed body walks into a gas station and smirks at all of the danishes and doughnuts and begins to make it’s way to the Honey Bun stand.
Fit persona screams, “STOP RIGHT THERE!”
Possessed body, taken aback, stops mid stride.
“Do not, I repeat, DO NOT touch any of that junk. Look over there, there’s bananas.”
Possessed body looks, rolls it’s eyes and grabs the largest cheese danish on the stand.
Back in the car the possessed body opens the wrapper…
“STOP. It’s not too late, throw it out the window!”
Possessed body rolls down the window, looks and then stuffs the cheese danish in it’s face, devouring it like a zombie.
Fit persona cries….
My mother always taught me that kids didn’t have to be out of control monsters; “spare the rod, spoil the child” kind of thing. She said that kids should have a healthy fear of their parents and always rolled her eyes at parents that acted like victims of their children’s behavior. So, it looks like I’ve been sparing the rod and playing victim to my inner fat kid. Now that I’m back, it’s time to instill some fear.
P.S. Thank you for taking the time to fill out my survey, I really enjoyed all of your answers, especially the advice portion.
This week I would really love to hear from all of you! How many of you remember those MySpace questionnaires? I have made my own in hopes that people will fill them out and give me new ideas and new things to try. So, if you have the time, here is a Flashback Fitness Friday Survey:
- What inspired you to get healthy?
- How long have you been living a healthier lifestyle?
- What is your favorite exercise?
- What is your least favorite?
- When do you work out (morning, noon or night?)
- What is your go-to healthy meal?
- What’s your favorite healthy snack?
- Do you count calories?
- Do you allow yourself a cheat day/days?
- Do you meditate?
- Do you use positive affirmations? If so, which one do you use the most?
- What’s your biggest motivator?
- What is your biggest fitness/health accomplishment?
- What is one thing you wouldn’t give up (chocolate, coffee, etc.)
- What’s the best advice you’ve received about being fit and healthy?
Basically, share all of your tips, tricks and knowledge with me!
Hope you all have a great weekend. Thanks for reading ❤
So many bloggers, especially fitness bloggers (including myself) write about their favorite exercises. They write about how much they love to run or dead lift or squat. They write about their favorite type of fitness; yoga, cross-fit, piyo (what?), etc. Today I want to write about my least favorite exercises, the ones that make me feel completely and totally miserable but I do them anyway because I know I’m going to see results.
Dumbbell Shoulder Press:
The majority of my hatred for these is the process of getting into position. Whatever muscle group is being worked to lift the dumbbells off of my thighs and place them over my head is not as strong as the muscle group that’s used to press them. I’m also not a fan of spending the next day feeling like my shoulders are attached to my earlobes.
I have no real reason for this. I just don’t like them.
You guys already know the details of this from previous posts but here’s a sweaty selfie anyway 😉
& saving the worst for last…
(Taking a photo on a timer with 10 seconds to grab weights and get in position =nearly impossible. This is the best I could do)
Who knows how long I was doing goblet squats thinking they were split squats before someone told me.
I wish I was never corrected. These are killer! I see stars, I want to pass out, throw up and fall over throughout each set. The pain doesn’t stop when you stop either. For about two days afterwards I walk like a penguin mixed with a bull rider, it’s confusing and incredibly uncomfortable.
As strongly as I detest all of these things, there really is no greater feeling than successfully completing them.
Except maybe sitting on the couch with a bowl of ice cream and watching your favorite chick flick… 😉
Enjoy your weekend everyone!!
It’s not easy being sick. Yes, you lay on the couch in your pajamas and watch TV for days but somehow it’s just not as fun when you feel like crap. This week I realized that it’s even harder to get back to your healthy lifestyle than it is to be sick in the first place. Here are my top five tips for how to get back to fitness after illness:
Make sure you’re ready.
I have not gone jogging because I still can’t take a deep breath without going into a coughing fit. I could only imagine what a run would do to me.
Be nice to yourself.
Do not beat yourself up because you can’t do now what you were doing a couple of weeks ago. Your body is tired and weak; it’s going to take some time. It won’t do any good to call yourself a pathetic weak loser, trust me, I tried it.
Go easy/Lift lighter.
Do not make the mistake of trying to lift the same weight or do the same exercise that was super challenging before you got sick; the only thing that’s going to do is piss you off and make you want to quit.
Take your time.
You will need more rest in-between each set than you did before and that’s okay. There’s no need to hurt yourself after you’ve just gotten back in the game.
Know that your body remembers your routine.
My first workout felt a lot like the first time I ever worked out. This made me think that I had reverted back to square one. By my second workout however I was back to lifting the same weight as before. Do not let your mind trick you into thinking you should give up. Your body knows better.
Until next week – a selfie since since I’ve been slacking on pictures 😉
I was going to title this week’s post “Fitness Friday – Relapse” but the definition of relapse is way too serious. So, I sat at my desk and relived Monday evening and I decided Tantrum was more appropriate.
Here’s what happened:
Kenny and I have these conversations a lot and never actually do it. Well, Monday proved to be a different story. We sat in our booth and considered leaving. The waiter hadn’t been over yet and I was starting to feel guilty. He showed up though, and before I knew it I was ordering Alfredo dipping sauce and waiting on the warm bread sticks with childish anticipation.
Here’s what I discovered during this whiny, “I want what I want and I’m going to have it!” spoiled brat outing.
- Everything does not taste differently after you’ve given it up.
- I have heard so many people say that things don’t taste good after you haven’t eaten them for x amount of time. Apparently I have not yet reached that magical number because the chocolate mousse on top of the chocolate cheesecake that was sitting in a dark chocolate crumble crust with chocolate chips in it, still tasted freakin delightful.
- After 4 months without sweets, I can still finish an entire dessert.
- There’s none of this “oh it’s so rich, I can only have a couple of bites” nonsense. That cake was gone, that plate was clean and anyone who saw me eating it probably thought I was auditioning for an adult film.
- Your stomach changes faster than your taste buds. All of that food tasted a lot better than it felt.
- If you jump off the wagon and eat yourself into a hole, you can use the upper body strength you’ve worked so hard for to pull yourself out. It doesn’t have to be an excuse to throw in the towel.
The next day, I went to a work function that ended with dinner. After the entrees, everyone got up and served themselves cake, pie, coffee ice-cream (my favorite) and brownies. I sipped my club soda and tried not to creepily stare at the woman in front of me while she ate a little bit of everything. The spoiled brat on my shoulder (it’s not a demon – it’s an annoying fat kid) was trying to tell me that I already messed up, I ate cake the night before so I might as well eat a brownie. Well, the badass fitness chick on my other shoulder told the fat kid to shove it and I left, dessert free and in control again.
After my deliciously terrible outing on Monday I got an alert that I had been tagged on Facebook:
Jessica, if it wasn’t for this, I may have eaten the brownie and coffee ice-cream, so thank you! You are equally as badass if not more so for doing it all with two kids at home!
Lastly, my mother posted a picture of me yesterday in my new dress. I thought I’d let you all know I almost didn’t buy it because it was pretty tight around my massive bicep muscles 😉
Until next week,
I keep writing and deleting, writing and deleting. I can’t seem to find a way to tell the story of this week. So instead, I will tell it with E-Cards.
which led to
After 24 hours:
That’s all for now folks. Apparently my creative juices don’t flow without meat and dairy. I guarantee there will be more next week 🙂
I’ve practiced yoga. I’ve taken meditation classes. I’ve used YouTube and meditation apps to slow down, get in the moment and breathe. When I go jogging my peaceful yogi meditative mind calmly tries to reassure my anxious, tired, cramping, hyperventilating body that I can do this. It goes something like this:
Body: Wait, what are you doing?
Mind: Just go with it, it will be fun.
Body: Fun? I already can’t breathe!
Mind: In through the nose, out through the mouth.
Body: I can’t breathe in through my nose! I think I have allergies. I just inhaled a bug!!
(cue panting and flailing while swatting at bugs)
Mind: Look around you, feel the sun, it’s such a beautiful day.
Body: Do you feel your stomach flopping around? That’s not beautiful. You wore the wrong bra for this! How long do we have to do this? Oh cramp! Cramp!!
This lasted a whole thirteen minutes which ended up being a mile and a half. Honestly, this was a lot better than I expected.
Why am I jogging?
I drive J home after our workout. On the way back to his house I pass the park where I used to jog. I’m always considering cardio and counting calories. I hate counting calories and I hate cardio. I do however, love to eat and therefor I need to introduce some cardio. Kenny and I have started to play tennis on Saturday’s which is fun but doesn’t seem like enough. So last night after doing an upper-body workout and dropping J off, I decided to just do it. I probably swallowed more bugs than I can count, I really was wearing the wrong bra so the park guests got a show and for half a mile I had a cramp which made me run like one side of my body was smaller than the other. All in all, it was a success.
Our new and improved home gym looks awesome! We did a chalkboard wall, put up a shelf so all of our gloves/braces/weird looking workout bands, yoga mats, etc. aren’t in a pile on the floor.
And we set up our new equipment 🙂
Happy Friday everyone!