Oh but something will certainly try to.
I decided to start running, well more like jogging. It’s hard and exhausting but I do enjoy it and it feels great. However, little things are trying to get in my way. The sabotaging voice is not just a voice after all.
I went to the beach with my family in the beginning of August and my sister and I decided to jog every morning. My legs didn’t throb, I didn’t get any side cramps, but I could not breathe. I could not catch my breath, even after we stopped running.
Natalee tried to give me advice, thinking that I was probably just breathing wrong and nothing seemed to work. I did not run after we got back from the beach, and I basically stopped exercising.
I went to the doctor for the first time in about 4 years, and after a PF test and a chest x-ray it turns out I had bronchitis. Well, that explains the coughing fits after a burst of laughter.
Anyhow, this was very exciting news for me. The doctor told me after I finished antibiotics and used an inhaler for a couple weeks; I shouldn’t have any breathing problems during exercise.
My goal last week was to be able to run a mile without stopping.
I started on Wednesday. I was a little nervous that it was too soon to be able to tell a difference with my lungs since I had just finished my antibiotics but I really wanted to test it out. I pressed start on the Charity Miles App and started jogging. I made it half a mile in 6 minutes and was completely out of breath. I actually thought I was going to throw up. I ignored the sabotaging voice that was saying things like,
“This is pointless.”
“hahahaha, you can’t even run longer than 6 minutes”
Instead, I walked for 3 more miles and decided I’d come back the next day.
The next day was hot, humid and very sticky. I only ran for 3 minutes before the vomit feeling showed up. I tuned out the voice again and said to myself, “It’s okay! You’re out here, you’re trying, keep going at your own pace.” I walked, I seemed to catch my breath a lot quicker, and started jogging again. I did this walk/jog for 2.7 miles before deciding it was too hot to go any longer.
The third day was much nicer. There was actually a breeze. I made it .8 miles.
I took Saturday off, because my ankle didn’t feel quite right and I didn’t want to push too hard and end up injured and unable to continue.
Yesterday, I was going for the mile.
And here is when the sabotaging voice, became a sabotaging force.
I put my headphones in, pressed play on my work out tunes, and pressed start on the Charity Miles App. I started jogging. As I’m jogging, my headphone cord starts smacking me in the face. I tuck it in to my shirt, without stopping and while trying not to trip over anything. I get back into the flow and my headphones start pulling out of my ears because the cord is stuffed down my shirt. I pull the cord back out and just decide to let it smack me in the face. The wonderful feeling and rhythm of my feet hitting the ground, one after another was accompanied by this cord slapping me in the face over and over. I ignore it. I am determined to go the mile. I begin sweating. As gross as it is, I don’t really mind it because it means I’m working hard. The sweat makes my bangs get wet and they too, begin smacking me in the face. It’s fine, whatever, I can ignore those too.
The first song finishes and the sabotaging voice starts telling me that I have to pee. I do not have to pee. I just used the restroom before I started running and it’s only been like 4 minutes. Add that to my ignore list. I decide to focus on my breathing, because it hasn’t been bothering me and I’m super excited about this. Then I get a side cramp. You know the kind that makes you want to distort your body to one side to make it not feel like that anymore? Yeah, that kind. But it’s okay I’ll focus on the music and ignore that too. Sail is a really great song, very distracting. I almost really don’t care about the cord hitting my chin, the bangs that keep hitting my right eyeball, the feeling that I have to pee, and the side cramp. It’s all good; I’m just focusing on the music. Pandora then decides it’s time for an advertisement. In my head I’m screaming,
“YOU HAVE GOT TO BE F***ING KIDDING ME!!”
I’m starting to think I’m going to quit. I look at how far I’ve gone as another song starts and I’m at .8. I have to keep going.
When I looked and it said 1.06 all of those things disappeared (mainly because I stopped running). I was ecstatic! My legs were on fire, I was drenched with sweat, but I was happy. Not only was I super proud of myself, but I could still breathe too! Adrienne: 1 Sabotaging Voice/Force: 0
Sweaty with success!
As far as eating healthy goes, I’m feeling a lot better than I was at the beginning of the month (The Big Reveal (The Big Breakdown)). I’ve been reading a lot about Paleo and I like it. But I also like dairy. I watched Food Inc. too and that’s been on my mind a lot. As of right now I’m basically just using common sense about food and doing smaller portions: unlimited veggies, some fruit, and protein; mostly chicken, (although Food Inc. has made this difficult for me) and fish. I’m doing some red meat from time to time, Greek yogurt and yogurt dressings, nuts, some dark chocolate, and limited amounts of cheese. I’m not eating any bread, pasta, tortillas, rice, oats, or grains. This is mainly because it’s easier for me to cut it out completely than to moderate it. I’m also not eating pork (even bacon), corn or potatoes.
Chicken and “Pasta” Salad, without the pasta.
Steak, Mashed Cauliflower, Asparagus
Cauliflower “Home Fries”
I’ll be honest, I’ve cheated sometimes. I’ve had some tortilla chips and salsa, I’ve grabbed a French Fry off of Kenny’s plate when they look too good to resist. I haven’t given up my flavored coffee creamer (or coffee for that matter), and I still use small amounts of butter. But overall, still healthy, still sober (85 days), and I feel great!
“Ain’t nothin’ gonna to break my stride
Nobody’s gonna slow me down, oh-no
I got to keep on movin'”