Today is the start to Whole30. I have taken a lot of steps that have led me closer and closer to following these rules already. I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t drink soda, and I try to avoid fast food.
My biggest struggle is going to be sweets. The other night driving home I went out of my way to find a Krispy Crème doughnut. I already ate, I didn’t need a custard filled, chocolate frosted doughnut to wash it down. But I wanted one, and so I got one and I loved and hated every minute of eating it. People get addicted to alcohol, cigarettes, caffeine, sugar, etc. And by people I mean me. I have been addicted to all of those things. I have proudly broken most of those addictions. But since I was 12 I have had a love hate relationship with food that is very similar to an alcoholic’s relationship with liquor; late night trips for candy bars, lying about how many cookies I’ve had, saying things like “I deserve this box of Oreos” and “I’ve had a hard day so I can eat a brownie sundae” and so on. And now Whole30 is going to make me stop all of that. I can’t eat a king size snickers bar at 10pm because I feel like it, and I can’t save my 1200 calories for the day to eat half of an apple pie. Instead, when I’m craving something rich, sweet and creamy like peanut butter fudge or cheesecake I’m going to have to eat a banana. And no, I’m not even allowed to freeze it, blend it, add cocoa to it and make it taste like ice-cream because apparently that won’t help break the viscous food cycle like Whole30wants me to. So here’s to 30 days, 30 days of dt’s, headaches, withdrawal, night sweats and hallucinations all because I can’t have my cake and eat it too. Actually, I can’t have cake at all, not even a little one, not even a cupcake. Oh good Lord.