That’s what I’m going for here.
Complete and total honesty without holding back.
Yesterday was really hard. I stood on the scale and it still had the same two starting digits 1 5. Now yes, instead of an 8 at the end it had a 1. But after an entire month of bringing my own meals, watching people eat whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted it and trying to stay positive and notice that I was feeling thinner, all I had lost was 7 pounds.
Sunday was my dads birthday and we all went tubing together. The morning started off with an apple. We got in the car and my sister started passing out Strawberry Shortcake Ice Cream Bars.
I declined the one she had bought for me because obviously delicious ice cream bars were not on my list of acceptable foods to eat. The rafting was a lot of fun, everyone was drinking beer and floating along. I did not drink the beer but I had a great time.
After rafting and spending 4 hours in the sun everyone was burnt and hungry and ready to eat. Since it was my dads birthday it was his choice of restaurant. He decided on a pizza place downtown and we piled in the car and went. There was beer, vodka, red bull, hot wings, and pizza. It all smelled delicious. I ordered myself a club soda, a salad with some grilled chicken and the dressing on the side. I was starving after only having an apple so I did cheat and have 3 chicken wings. I did not however have any pizza or booze.
Monday morning I woke up very sad. I had a night full of depressing dreams and tossing and turning. I did not want to stand on the scale. I had all sorts of uplifting texts from my mom, curious as to how much weight I’d lost and telling me not to be worried, she knew I’d be pleasantly surprised.
151.2. If I wasn’t on the phone with my mom at the time I would have started crying right then. We hung up and I lost it. I cried all morning. I curled up and went back to sleep, woke up and cried some more. I cried and slept and cried until two in the afternoon. I decided that was enough feeling sorry for myself and it was time to get up and be productive. When Kenny got home I was still puffy eyed, and he just hugged me for awhile and told me I was beautiful.
I know that 7 pounds is still a significant amount. But I had spent a month telling myself that I would step on the scale and see 1 4… something. Even 149 would have been okay, I just did not want to see 1 5 anymore. I had spent the entire month always a little hungry, never really full. I had also cut out all sorts of unhealthy beverages, not just alcohol but also diet soda, sweet tea, energy drinks, etc. All I drank was coffee, water, and unsweetened tea. Basically, I was just extremely disappointed. So I went out and ate some chips and salsa and had a King Size Take 5 and told myself that tomorrow was a new day.
So here is to the new month and to continuing this journey. I had to remind myself that this isn’t a diet plan. This isn’t something I get to stop doing once I’ve reached my goal. This is a lifestyle change. I remember when I used to think I could never give up regular soda. I drank Mountain Dew like there was no tomorrow and I would never give it up. When I switched to diet I thought I would never like it, I would always want the regular stuff. I gave up diet soda too and now I don’t drink any of it, or want any of it. I had a sip of a regular Mountain Dew on Sunday and it was disgusting. It tasted like syrup with added sugar. I honestly don’t know how I ever drank the stuff. Eventually I think I’ll feel the same way about unhealthy shit food, such as; McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Papa Johns Pizza with Garlic Butter, etc. I am not throwing in the towel or giving up. If I lose 7 pounds a month I will be at my goal weight in 4-6 months. I intend to add a little more exercise to my routine, and not weigh myself again until October. I’m still looking up and still feeling positive.
As for the end of my day yesterday, I apologized to Kenny for being so upset and miserable all day and that I knew it was a little ridiculous and he responded, “Yeah, I’ve never seen someone so upset about being so sexy!”
Thanks for reading 🙂