The first thing that’s been aggravating me lately is the common misconception about gaining weight. Somehow, if you’re getting larger that means that you’re happy and comfortable in life. On quite a few occasions I’ve had people say to me “awe, it’s okay! You must just be really happy!” or “Oh, you got married and now you’re just comfortable and settling in.”
This whole concept is completely ridiculous to me. I do not gain weight because I’m happy and content and it certainly has nothing to do with getting married. I gain weight when I am lonely, stressed, or sad. In no way does my chunkiness represent happiness. I gained weight when I quit smoking. I gained weight when my parents got divorced. The heartbreak diet would not work for me, because I would stuff my face with food hoping to find comfort IN IT, I do not eat because I’ve already found it.
Lately, I’ve been wanting to quit and throw in the towel on this whole healthy living thing. I’ve been wanting pizza, fast-food, and candy. The urge seemingly came out of nowhere and hit me like a ton of bricks. I wanted anything but healthy food and I was struggling to figure out why I shouldn’t eat it. Then, I decided to sit with myself for a minute and try to find out why I was feeling so discouraged and wanting to eat so badly. What was going on in my life that was making me crave food? Oh, that’s right we’re in the middle of possibly buying a foreclosure and deciding to sell or rent our house. Stress eating, that’s what I wanted and vegetables do not suffice. Fortunately, I’m practicing self-control and I have not fallen off the healthy wagon.
Speaking of wagons, if one more person talks to me about moderation I might explode.
“Why can’t you just moderate?”
“You’re really never going to drink again?”
“What about when you’re travelling?”
“Come on, it’s a lot of fun sometimes!”
When you can answer why it is necessary for you to ever drink alcohol again besides it being “fun sometimes” or because “it tastes good” then I will answer your absolutely ridiculous questions about why I have no desire to drink anymore because alcohol has absolutely nothing to offer me.
What’s so incredibly obnoxious about this whole thing is that I used to think that non-drinkers were judgmental, arrogant pricks. I have now learned that they become that way over time because the drinkers are judgmental, pressuring, condescending assholes to non-drinkers. I do not care who drinks and who doesn’t. But if one more person asks me why I can’t “just moderate” I’m going to become that person that says “why can’t you just quit drinking?” and I never wanted to be that person. But I see now that there’s no other way. So I’m sending out apologies to all the non-drinkers in the world that I ever judged, rolled my eyes at, or assumed were self-righteous just because they didn’t drink. I was wrong and I now understand.
As for my healthy living thing. I weigh in on Monday for the 1st time since this whole thing started. I have not failed or given in to the sabotaging voice that wants me to be a big fat slob. Last night I made spaghetti sauce with grilled chicken breasts seasoned with basil and oregano and served it over spaghetti squash. It was delicious!
Wish me luck this Labor Day!!
I might have a break down if I’ve only lost 5 pounds after all this work.